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Looking at the last dated post, i guess its been quite some time since i last visit this blog of mine and pen down my thoughts. No doubt a lot of things happened for the past 4 months, but laziness seems to deter me from penning down those thoughts of mine.
With the unchangeable character of mine, 9 out of 10 posts on my blog seems to be rather emo, and this hasn’t change though i just turned 20 2 days ago. Once again, Frederick is making reflections of things that he just couldn’t get over. For the past 4 months, i guess i achieved a little something in life – passing my traffic police test for driving (and ever since been driving quite frequently), clearing all those outfield and what have you not for army, going through wallaby which was described to be the suckiest outfield ever (but turns out to be rather bearable), and now, breaking into the 20s.
Sometimes, I really ask myself this question – having lived 19 years of my life, what exactly have I learnt? what exactly have i achieved? what exactly have i done that is enough for me to feel proud of myself? Something to trigger my thoughts and ponder about, but never have i got any answers to those questions… Pretty sad huh?
Though I’m into my 20s, i guess i still haven’t change the way i treat my friends. Reading posts dated as early as the days in JC or even in secondary, it is pretty evident that I always have problems with whom I see as “close” to. Time and again, I blame it on fate, for some fortune-teller told me some stuffs that I always brood over, but im into my 20s now, and its pretty much time to grow up I guess? Blame it on my character. That’s pretty much the problem with why I keep losing people whom I think I’m close to. More often than not, this weird character of mine tend to see friends as way too important a factor of my life (sometimes it’s so bad that a small gesture can affect my mood by a great deal). Jealousy – can you define that to be? Getting too easily jealous tends to spoil things, and I need to control this in order to succeed in relationships. Easier said than done? But my 20th birthday resolution – to start having an open heart, and take things easy. Hopefully I’ll be able to start controlling my emotions instead of having them take control of my life. 
That day when i was doing my sentry duty, there is this st guy who came to talk to me about life. His words got me into deep thoughts about what i really want in life. He slapped me hard with this very question “if i now give you a few hundred dollars to spend (totally free that is), what will you spend it on?”. For many people out there, upon hearing a few hundred dollars, i guess i can safely say there will be lots of thoughts rushing through your mind on how to use this money. For me, i had only 2. First, a few hundred dollars is too little to buy a car. Second, spend it on trips out, treating my friends to a good meal. Kind of a loser huh? The st shot me with this comment “all you can think of is going out with your friends? are u living for them or yourself?” For them, or maybe sometimes in a worse case scenario, for one. Is it time to really change?…
What are friends to me?
What am I to them?
I really wonder… But in this practical world of ours… I doubt ill ever find the true answer.
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Hmmm, so chim, i guess its all abt perspective and personal principle. Maybe u wld feel tt u haf achieved nth much in life so far, but there are always ppl better off or worse off than u are. It wld be good to be contented with wad u haf now, but still strive to achieve more in future, tts how we grow n improve…
Comment by Kee Ann November 19, 2010 @ 5:07 pmFor me la, i believe i am the same as u, living for friends and family. Cos for me, sharing with them, happiness wld mulitply and burden wld be halved. they do not have to reciprocate to whatever i cld have done for them. tt’s wad i think la…
Yes this is a practical world, but there is nth wrong to be idealistic, as long as the ideals are nt too far off from reality can le… It’s hard to be a saint, but its nt tt hard to be a good friend…